My head hurts...
My eyes feel dry. I think I cried in my sleep last night from the way I woke up. Must've had a bad dream...
I'm not sure why but I don't feel safe. It's like I feel fine but I don't. I'm exhausted but I have had plenty of sleep and everything feels different. I'm not sure what's going on with me. My head has been hurting. I've had weird vision problems. My behavior hasn't been me.
Today I decided to ignore the world.. even though I know i've been struggling. It felt good. I'm sorry to the friends I ignored though. I wasn't meaning to be mean to you. I guess I just needed to be alone. I got a lot of thinking done but didn't really come to any conclusions.
Ok. Let me get the facts out.
Facts: I'm struggling with food again. I've been eating but the past two days I haven't had too much real food. I did my devotions for the first time in a week today. Which was good but I still feel this numb feeling. i'm broken hearted again over the fact that I continuously make my friends upset and annoyed with me... but at the same time i'm tired of pleasing them. I don't really care. I just kinda wanna do whatever I want to and not care... i don't know. My head really hurts right now. These random headaches lately have been killing me but I'm restraining from telling my mom every time cause I show symptoms of not good stuff but we don't have the money to take care of that so I hate worrying her.
I'm excited for Christmas :)
I've told friends how I feel like i'm a mess.. and I know there's not much they can do. I kinda wish someone was here to at least just be a company.. but at the same time im ok alone. But am I? I don't trust my instincts today. It just doesn't feel safe.
Being numb right now is a blessing.
I really love the song "Drift" by Emily Osment right now. It's so simple but good. How can I sleep so much yet still be so tired? I've done nothing today. Haha... HAHA... "faded into hazy... and sinking strong." -Drift
Look it up. Drrrifftt away.
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