November 5th- Darkness

I don't even know where to begin with the past couple months. So much happens in just one week that I can't possibly talk about it. That would be boring.

Well quick update: Our Coffee House at my school is coming up on November 15th, and 17th. I made homecoming queen :)

I got my SAT scores back and I'm able to get bright futures scholarship which means I will be able to go to college. I just recently watched paranormal activity 4 and it was amazing. I had a photoshoot yesterday and am having another one soon. I'll post those photos later. So pretty much I could explain all these good things that have been happening and go on with the same old that even people who don't know me know about me.

Here's whats been going on behind the scenes: I've really been struggling this week.

ESCAPE

I messed up on Friday.. and it seems everything today triggers me. I know God is probably just testing me so I can better endure... but it's not fun. Ha . It seems when I let my mind start to dwell I instantly go to dangerous extremes..

I think one of the biggest things for me right now is the fact that I feel really alone at school. Sabbina I can see is really trying to help. I so appreciate it. I should really stop listening to escape the fate... not necessarily spiritually uplifting.

It's amazing how music can persuade you to make bad decisions. 

There's this one song by escape the fate called "Lost in Darkness". Horrible song but I find myself listening to it sometimes. It's good musically but the meaning and lyrics are not good for the mind. Here's a picture someone drew of the lyrics:

 <BAD- I do not recommend listening to this song>

"She cries for help with a gun to her cheek, but no one comes nobody listens. Her blood runs red all through the street."

The rest of the song goes "Crying out in pain but no one knows how to find you. Your lost in darkness"....
If I weren't a believer of the Almighty God this would still be true for me... but it's not.. so why am I going back to the way I use to live? Scripture says that so many times. Our sinful nature inclines towards our own personal sin.

God has called me to be set apart.

We are no longer lost in darkness.... but a light in the darkness.

I'm telling this to myself.. because my natural tendency and where my mind wants to go today is back to darkness.