July 9th

8:45pm: It's Already Over. I need to record yesterday's complication.

July 8th, 2012: Went to church and heard a sermon by my pastor Danny Hodges. One of the things he said that stood out to me was "If you're not sharing your faith, you are not growing". I knew I needed to speak with Hannah. So I drove up to her house and went on a walk with her. I explained it would take me time to get the words I needed to out and she understood. I then asked if we could sit somewhere in which we drove to three different Starbucks until we found a spot to sit.

We found a table in which a man walked over and sat near us.. making me feel very awkward.. so we totally in a "non-obvious" way moved over to another table. I sat.. laughed nervously.. and somehow got the words out. Every time I hear myself say these words I feel like someone else. She didn't say anything. I sat mumbling to myself. Then... silence.... I looked up no expression had changed on her face. Having no clue what was going on in her mind. This.. my best friend since fifth grade... had no expression. Although I had expected this. Still can't help the fact this left me feeling vulnerable and in need of some sort of assurance. However, I know that God is my assurance of who I am, where I've been, and where I am... not only that but of where I will be. I can have peace knowing He will take care of me.. and in that moment even though having no reaction from my friend I was at peace. Despite the anxiety I put myself through trying to get the words out. 

After a few moments (which felt like ages) she asked me a few questions. I told a few stories trying to explain... but along the way trying my hardest to not let myself try to justify my own sin. There is nothing that can justify my sin but Christ. 

So there we have it. I hope to continue to get back on track with our friendship... 
Next stop: Telling my sister (and my best friend) Christina........ this is going to be the hardest one yet.