So in my last post I was all over the place. I still am but in a different way. I've gotten over my sad stage however in the meantime my thoughts are all over the place. "Zack" or "Code(what I call it with my friends)" is buggin me, again. Alright. So. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the past. Thinking back to one year ago. There are still so many things I'm dying to say but I just can't. Although... then I'm pretty sure most of the things I want to say are already obvious to those around me.
I don't know... I just remember a lot of pain and it's still there... I've been just pretending it's not there. So, tonight I'm listening to all these old songs that I use to listen to before I told anyone anything.
One is "It Ends Tonight"
All these songs remind me of sitting in my school computer lab, listening, and just feeling so alone. However, for some reason my mind has made this seem like a good thing. I actually miss it. I actually miss all that misery?! Whhhaat? I know.. I'm asking myself this... but I do. I miss being able to do what I wanted and not be held accountable. I miss just it all together... Oh Satan... You know how to get me so well.
Tonight is dangerous.
Most nights I can feel the fight inside. It makes me feel like crap all together and it's really difficult because I'm constantly going back and forth about the temptation to give in. Tonight is dangerous, because I'm not feeling that fight. It's night where I feel like this that I usually give in. I feel fine.
I'm thinking about it a lot though... like I'm just chilling and I feel like it's on my to-do list tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment