6:27pm: So I'm getting ready for my school's orientation night tonight. It will be the beginning of my senior year.. Craziness.
So for a few days I've really been struggling with the thought of "never again" with the whole code and zack thing. I feel like I need to just give in now because I will never be able to quit for good. I've been trying to think of the reasons that I want to keep this crutch.
One of the things I came up with was that: I want to keep this crutch because of all the things I can't say.
Then.. right as I'm thinking that I there are some things I'll never be able to say.......
I'm out to dinner with Sabbina and we start a conversation about some things in the past (not sure how we got here) and all the sudden I find myself saying things I never could say. We had a pause in the conversation and all the sudden it hit me everything I was saying.
I was saying them out loud, and they weren't just stuck in my thoughts. She smiled at me and said "You're finally opening up about all this".
It felt good.
There are still things I'm not sure will ever come out of me.... but this is huge progress. I'm still shocked that I've become that comfortable with her. Thanks Sabbina for listening :)
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